Love is messy. It’s not perfect. And I think sometimes it just comes out wrong.
So last night, I pretty much just told my boyfriend I was still offended by what he said. He asked me if I knew why he said it. Well, no, not exactly.. He said that at the time he was thinking, “So I’m just going to let her not take her meds and then in a few days she’s going to be stuck in bed or yelling at me for no reason or just not well and it’ll be my fault for not being more insistent right now that she take them.” He said he was just frustrated that I was being so stubborn about not doing something so simple as telling him which pills to get me, opening my mouth, and swallowing. He said he realizes now that I was right, taking one dose of meds a few hours late isn’t going to affect my mood nearly as much as the amount of alcohol I had consumed that night and that he didn’t need to push it. But at the time he felt like he did. And now he feels like shit because he said one stupid comment that turned out to poorly affect my mood for nearly three days. He takes it back.
Okay. I’m not an easy person to love, I knew that long before we’d met. But I guess I’ve gotten so comfortable with him now that I forget that sometimes. I forget that he worries about me. And I forget that sometimes he feels at fault for my moods.
It’s an interesting thing to have to take care of yourself for someone else’s wellbeing in addition to your own. I think I’m still trying to figure it out.
P.S. He actually said to me, “And it’s not like just not brushing your teeth.” Lol. You think he read my post? 😛