It’s always the same nonsensical cycle. You forget to take your meds, you’re out when you remember, but you feel fine so does it even matter? Nah, no big deal. I’ll take them tomorrow. Tomorrow you sleep through your alarm, have to race to get dressed and out the door. You’re in the car when you remember – shit, forgot to take my meds again today. Whatever, I’ve got more important things to worry about! That assignment your boss asked you to do last week that you still haven’t submitted, getting to the bank before it closes, paying rent, and that sale at Urban ends today! How can you worry about four little pills when you have So Much To Do? Besides, you feel fine. You wake up the next day, roll over and go back to sleep. No use checking the time, no use checking your calendar, or your oh-so-important to-do list. None of that matters. What’s the point of it all? You roll over and close your eyes with no intention of opening them again. The next time you wake up, you briefly consider getting out of bed to take your pills. But why? You feel like shit. Worthless, stupid, can’t form a complete thought. Obviously the pills aren’t working, so why bother taking them?
Tag Archives: depression
The truth is – I’d rather be depressed. Not can’t-get-out-of-bed depressed; I just prefer to keep that dark cloud thinly floating above my head. Depression’s familiar. I know what to do. I’ve been fighting it since I was a kid. I know what to expect.
Mania, on the other hand, has always destroyed me. I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know what to expect. Depression may have the power to kill me, but mania could destroy my life. So I’ll have the depression, thank you.
Originally written July 23, 2013